Learning another trick...

So it was time to have Simon teach Johnny more about telling people what to do. You know, with that hoodoo voodoo that Ventrue are so good at.

The shit ain't so good on other licks; older fuckers just ignore the wooj. So not exactly useful on most of the Camarilla bastards.

But it was time to go to the next level and go beyond just a single word. So we go to this 18 and over club, called Tight. Supposed to mean cool, but we know what it's really describing, you know? But we go there because it's a place where creepy older fuckers like us ain't entirely welcome. They actually try to keep you out if you are over 25 or so. Plus, we're kinda creepy anyway. On top of it all, they are really damn strict about alcohol, 'cause they could lose their beer license if busted for serving one of the 18 year olds. So those girls come to dance and to hook up. Without the help of alcohol. Maybe that's why there aren't as many guys as girls there; they don't have the liquid help.

So we're there to see what Johnny can do with Simon's tricks, can't use any of the normal Brujah wooj or Johnny charm. The key is to look a girl in the eyes and tell her to lift her shirt and show off her tits. Simple, right? Pretend we are with Girls Gone Wild and get them to show their tits, using the wooj.

Actually, Johnny thinks the only reason Simon agreed to try this way out first was because he probably thought Johnny couldn't do it, at least not the first time out. Especially not when Johnny can't use the Charm, you know? Not exactly Simon's style and all. He probably would have prefered to see if Johnny could convince a business man to sign over his stocks or something, but, well, Johnny was quite motivated and that apparently means something when learning new tricks.

The first few chicks, Johnny had to use the charm to keep them from slapping Johnny and calling security. An hour in, chicks were flashing us like it was Mardi Gras or something. Simon got kind of uncomfortable with it all, maybe he was afraid we'd get caught or something, so we left at that point.

Johnny has been kinda playin' for the last week now with it, goin' to bars and pretending to hypnotize chicks and getting them to do things like bark like dogs, take off their tops, take off their panties in public, stuff like that. Juvenile as shit, yeah. But harmless and it's startin' to get old already. But that's another trick in Johnny's arsenal. Quite a few more to go.

WTF Gangrel?

Okay, what the hell is up with the Gangrel? They hang out mostly with each other, doing fuck knows what, maybe sniffing each other's asses or something. Joe Barclay is like, their messiah out here or something. Seriously, that dude is the king of the gangrel down here.

So anyway, they have this lick trick to be able to see in the dark. Makes the eyes glow red an' shit. Mighty useful trick if you ask Johnny. Especially with those god forsaken Lasombra asshats. But they won't teach it Johnny. Pam even said it would get Johnny killed. WTF?

So each clan has, like, three different kinds of tricks that are natural to them. Like us Brujah, we got strength, speed and charm. The Ventrue got charm, the ability to take damage, and the ability to tell other motherfuckers what to do. Now, the Gangrel, they got the damage thing too. They can also talk to animals. But they also got this other weird shit going on and they must all somehow link together. Like somehow, this seeing in the dark, plus their other tricks of, like, turning into animals and being able to turn their hands into claws must all, like, link together and shit. Now, Johnny could understand why maybe they want to keep some of those tricks to themselves. Like, the ability to turn into a wolf could be damn cool, but if everyone can do it, well hell, that makes the Gangrel a lot less special, you know?

But see, Johnny don't want to be able to turn into a fuckin' Dracula vampire bat. Johnny don't need claws when Johnny got fists of steel and blades that sharp. Johnny just wants to be able to see in the fuckin' dark. And neither Pam nor Joe will do it. Johnny just wants to be able to fight the Sabbat better, and the ability to see in the dark makes that a lot easier to do.

Johnny just don't get it.

The Month of June

What a weird month. Okay, so it starts off pretty cool with the LA Erotica Expo. Did a lot of business there, even if it did mean that Johnny missed the monthly Anarch rant. Whoops. Didn't mean to, but hey, when you're neck deep in tits and pussy, can you really be blamed? Really?

Brer Rabbit is still proving himself to be the biggest jackass this side of the fuckin' Rockies. Damn he's an asshat. He's an Anarch only because no one else wants him and we're kinda like the animal shelters, you know, we gotta take all the strays no matter how lame or ugly. And that's fuckin' Rabbit. Seriously, he's giving all fags a bad name.

Piers died. Or rather, was fuckin' murdered. Apparently Mister High and Mighty and Falutless, the Justicar Pascek, got together with Garrett Dannington and Jacen Pompeii and probably a few others, and they killed Piers. Now, they're saying that Piers had lost his heart and soul to the Settites. That those fuckers have some sort of evil wicked magic and shit. Now, Johnny can believe that based upon the other shit Johnny has heard. But they're sayin' there was no fuckin' hope, no way to save Piers. So they killed 'im. Bullshit. Complete and utter crap. There is always a way out. It ain't always obvious, it ain't always easy, death might actually be easier sometimes, but there is always a way out. Garret and Mister Faultless himself decided otherwise those. Bastards.

On the bright side, Piscin decided to hop in the Mystery Mobile and come visit us. She's this batshit crazy Malkavian Anarch. Looks like she got bit back during, like, the Summer of Love or something. Crazier than most Malks that Johnny has ever met. Really, really wants to help out the Movement though. And that's good enough for Johnny. A little, or even a lot, crazy ain't a bad thing in the Movement.

Fuck, the Tower thinks every Anarch is a least a little bit crazy anyway. Why not go for the gusto, eh?

Oh, and the beach pictures are in honor of it turning to summer. It's one of the things that Johnny misses the most; being able to go hang out on the beach, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, watch the bikini babes parading up and down the beach...miss that shit man. Miss that.