Some babes for Halloween

Somewhere along the line, Halloween for chicks became about dressing like the slut you couldn't be in real life. And recently, it's become about, for one night only, being that slut you secretly wish you could be but can't.

God but it's a great night to have a cock!

Off to see the wizard...

Okay.

So Johnny got mind-fucked more than a few times in the big thing to deal with or kill Hertzog. Oh, yeah. Hertzog was breaking the Masquerade and trying to get us to kill mortals and shit like that. So Simon, Uncle Remus, the Oracle, Warren Peace and Johnny went to Disneyland to stake or kill 'im. Yeah, Disneyland. Turns out his lair was under the damn Matterhorn ride. And it turns out he was a skin-rider because his actual body was that of a baby. WTF?

Anyway, Johnny was able to find a few teachers to teach Johnny Iron Heart. It'll help keep bastards out of Johnny's head. The problem is, Johnny has to go to Cyprus and learn it from Jacen Pompeii. Yeah, that dude. Archon Pompeii. Killer of children and slayer of shovelheads, the man that puts fear into the hearts of virtually every neonate out there.

He wants to talk history, he wants to be brought up to date on current events and trends. And he wants to teach Johnny Iron Heart.

So, uh, yeah. If Johnny don't make it to the New Year, you might know why.

What It Means To Be Brujah

Johnny was asked to write down what it means to be a Brujah. First off, who the hell is stupid enough to ask Johnny to *write* this shit down? And two, who really cares what Johnny has to say about Clan Brujah? It's not like Johnny is one of the shining lights of the clan. There's a bunch more Brujah out there that gotta says better things and say them better. Anyway, here's what Johnny said. (oh, and Johnny can't tell you yet the why and who and all)

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So what does it mean to be Brujah? Well now, Johnny didn’t go through no normal accounting like lap-dog Camarilla Brujah, so Johnny’s answer is gonna be kinda different.

Let’s get a couple of things right out and taken care of. This warrior-philosopher bullshit? Exactly that, bullshit. There’s too many wannabe philosopher’s runnin’ around claimin’ to know the secrets of Carthage or whatever. In the end, all they end up doin’ is running their mouths and flappin’ their gums and get jack and shit done. That’s the worst part, they don’t get anything done.

On the other side is those damn leather-jacket wearing stereotypes of rage. Dumbasses that can only think of destroying things, never mind what it is. The kind of stereotype that the Venture and Torea-fags use to make fun of us and keep us down. Their worst thing is that their rage isn’t directed, it’s just a wildfire burning out of control.

So what the hell are we? Johnny figures we are somewhere in the middle. We are engines of destruction to be used brutally against injustice. We are all about The Cause, all about fighting for something we believe in. When we get lazy, when the cause we are fighting for is just our comfort or our own material possessions, that’s when we are just Ventrue with cooler clothes. A real Brujah fights for a Cause. Maybe that’s why so many of us are Anarchs, why Johnny is an Anarch. Because fighting for The Movment means Johnny is fighting for something outside of Johnny, bigger than Johnny, that could last longer and do more than Johnny could ever do alone. But if you are Tower, then goddamnit, believe in it. Believe in what you are fighting for. Don’t puss out and just fight against something, but fight FOR something.

That’s what a real Brujah is. Yeah, there’s that stuff about brotherhood and shit, but for Johnny, it all comes down to the fire in our souls and figuring out how to control that fire and use it for your Cause.

The Camarilla is just boring

So Johnny decides to wander on up to the Camarilla gathering last weekend. Partly because Johnny had nothing better to do, partly because Lauren and Bear and a few others are always wandering up there and Johnny thought "Hey, maybe Johnny should go see what the big deal is!"

Goddamn the Cam is boring though.

Not a damn thing happened outside of some weird ass conversations (like, who knew that the LA Brujah Primogen likes to suck blood from fuckin' tampons? And that it is apparently kosher?) and sending the queer Iron John into torpor.

That's it. Not a damn thing else happened.

Johnny is convinced this is why the Cam plays all their fucked up political prestetation games and shit. 'Cause there ain't nothing else going on. Unless you are creating some kind of game, what the fuck is there?

Must be also why so many young licks go Anarch. At least we have shit happening at our rants. At least we do things.

But fuck the Camarilla is boring.

KJs and Iron John

What a fuckin' night.

There was this new guy, a Cam Brujah, name of Iron John, that was dressed like a Village People reject. Leather vest, a "Voting Rocks" t-shirt, a red bow-fucking tie, and actual heavy gauge chains wrapped around his waist and legs. Seriously, he looked totally gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but fuckenaye, do you have to dress like a stereotype? What was worse, was this dipwad basically was rejecting who he was as a Brujah. Refused to give into his passions. Spent his whole unlife, as far as Johnny could tell, trying to control his Beast and his passions. WTF? It's part of being Brujah. It's part of who we are, of what our particular curse is. Accept it, work around it, but don't fuckin' deny it. Best part of it though was Lauren kept tormenting him to see if he would flip out. She even tried to get Barclay to do some Gangrel trick, something about making Joe flip out, but somehow send it to IJ. She licked his face and grabbed his balls; made 'im flip. The Gangrel trick didn't work though. So it was Joe that flipped. But then IJ told 'im to calm down and he did. Sheer force of personality. The biggest problem Johnny has with this poseur is that about 85% of what he said sounded practiced and rehearsed. He just knew what to say and it sounded like he'd practiced it before or something.

Asshat.

Then there was this deal with the KJ. Dempsey somehow found one, this girl. Supposedly totally innocent. Huh? Anyway, they don't kill her when the have the chance. They come back and Uncle Remus tells Johnny that the KJ must have libertas, just like us. So maybe she's not evil and bad, that we should fight the Courts, not necessarily the individuals.

Damn it, but he made sense. It ain't gonna turn Johnny into some kinda pacifist, but damn it, Johnny figures we can't just go and slaughter them just because they are KJ.

Anyway, that putz Tom Jennings summons her to the warehouse. What a fuckin' idiot. Now she knows one of our gathering places. How Jennings has survived this long is beyond Johnny. People think Johnny is stupid, but Johnny really ain't. But Jennings, he might have some booksmarts, but fuckenaye is he stupid. So Barclay sees the girl, and so does Lauren and Johnny. So we go to attack 'er. Pam and Remus move to save her ass though, getting her out of the way. Joe turns into a big-ass fuckin' bird and starts pecking the shit out of her. Perez fuckin' threw IronJohn from about 30 feet away into Johnny's back and knocked Johnny down. And with that, Johnny was out of the chase. Don't know what happened after that other than Remus, Pam and the girl were gone and Joe, in the shape of the big-ass bird is flipping out, then sunk straight into the ground. Weird shit man.

And that wasn't enough. One of the chicks that did work for Gated Community Productions was apparently shot to death, gangland style. Not fuckin' cool. Not to worried about it personally, but it sucks and it might end up as bad publicity. Hopefully it wasn't some dumbfuck trying to get to Johnny.

Oh wait. That still wasn't enough. That Bonaducci guy, the one that does porn up in Promise, he's Cam but has been banned from LA for a few years now, comes up to Johnny as a representative of the justicars. Oh crap. He wants to get the Anarchs to work with and help out a big-ass Camarilla war party meant to take back San Diego. Wants Johnny to fly the idea out to the other Anarchs in the area. Supposedly the Anarchs would get a chunk of SD as our reward. But Johnny just don't trust the Cam and really ain't sure about any kind of war party.

Way too much happening, too many new faces...

Learning another trick...

So it was time to have Simon teach Johnny more about telling people what to do. You know, with that hoodoo voodoo that Ventrue are so good at.

The shit ain't so good on other licks; older fuckers just ignore the wooj. So not exactly useful on most of the Camarilla bastards.

But it was time to go to the next level and go beyond just a single word. So we go to this 18 and over club, called Tight. Supposed to mean cool, but we know what it's really describing, you know? But we go there because it's a place where creepy older fuckers like us ain't entirely welcome. They actually try to keep you out if you are over 25 or so. Plus, we're kinda creepy anyway. On top of it all, they are really damn strict about alcohol, 'cause they could lose their beer license if busted for serving one of the 18 year olds. So those girls come to dance and to hook up. Without the help of alcohol. Maybe that's why there aren't as many guys as girls there; they don't have the liquid help.

So we're there to see what Johnny can do with Simon's tricks, can't use any of the normal Brujah wooj or Johnny charm. The key is to look a girl in the eyes and tell her to lift her shirt and show off her tits. Simple, right? Pretend we are with Girls Gone Wild and get them to show their tits, using the wooj.

Actually, Johnny thinks the only reason Simon agreed to try this way out first was because he probably thought Johnny couldn't do it, at least not the first time out. Especially not when Johnny can't use the Charm, you know? Not exactly Simon's style and all. He probably would have prefered to see if Johnny could convince a business man to sign over his stocks or something, but, well, Johnny was quite motivated and that apparently means something when learning new tricks.

The first few chicks, Johnny had to use the charm to keep them from slapping Johnny and calling security. An hour in, chicks were flashing us like it was Mardi Gras or something. Simon got kind of uncomfortable with it all, maybe he was afraid we'd get caught or something, so we left at that point.

Johnny has been kinda playin' for the last week now with it, goin' to bars and pretending to hypnotize chicks and getting them to do things like bark like dogs, take off their tops, take off their panties in public, stuff like that. Juvenile as shit, yeah. But harmless and it's startin' to get old already. But that's another trick in Johnny's arsenal. Quite a few more to go.

WTF Gangrel?

Okay, what the hell is up with the Gangrel? They hang out mostly with each other, doing fuck knows what, maybe sniffing each other's asses or something. Joe Barclay is like, their messiah out here or something. Seriously, that dude is the king of the gangrel down here.

So anyway, they have this lick trick to be able to see in the dark. Makes the eyes glow red an' shit. Mighty useful trick if you ask Johnny. Especially with those god forsaken Lasombra asshats. But they won't teach it Johnny. Pam even said it would get Johnny killed. WTF?

So each clan has, like, three different kinds of tricks that are natural to them. Like us Brujah, we got strength, speed and charm. The Ventrue got charm, the ability to take damage, and the ability to tell other motherfuckers what to do. Now, the Gangrel, they got the damage thing too. They can also talk to animals. But they also got this other weird shit going on and they must all somehow link together. Like somehow, this seeing in the dark, plus their other tricks of, like, turning into animals and being able to turn their hands into claws must all, like, link together and shit. Now, Johnny could understand why maybe they want to keep some of those tricks to themselves. Like, the ability to turn into a wolf could be damn cool, but if everyone can do it, well hell, that makes the Gangrel a lot less special, you know?

But see, Johnny don't want to be able to turn into a fuckin' Dracula vampire bat. Johnny don't need claws when Johnny got fists of steel and blades that sharp. Johnny just wants to be able to see in the fuckin' dark. And neither Pam nor Joe will do it. Johnny just wants to be able to fight the Sabbat better, and the ability to see in the dark makes that a lot easier to do.

Johnny just don't get it.

The Month of June

What a weird month. Okay, so it starts off pretty cool with the LA Erotica Expo. Did a lot of business there, even if it did mean that Johnny missed the monthly Anarch rant. Whoops. Didn't mean to, but hey, when you're neck deep in tits and pussy, can you really be blamed? Really?

Brer Rabbit is still proving himself to be the biggest jackass this side of the fuckin' Rockies. Damn he's an asshat. He's an Anarch only because no one else wants him and we're kinda like the animal shelters, you know, we gotta take all the strays no matter how lame or ugly. And that's fuckin' Rabbit. Seriously, he's giving all fags a bad name.

Piers died. Or rather, was fuckin' murdered. Apparently Mister High and Mighty and Falutless, the Justicar Pascek, got together with Garrett Dannington and Jacen Pompeii and probably a few others, and they killed Piers. Now, they're saying that Piers had lost his heart and soul to the Settites. That those fuckers have some sort of evil wicked magic and shit. Now, Johnny can believe that based upon the other shit Johnny has heard. But they're sayin' there was no fuckin' hope, no way to save Piers. So they killed 'im. Bullshit. Complete and utter crap. There is always a way out. It ain't always obvious, it ain't always easy, death might actually be easier sometimes, but there is always a way out. Garret and Mister Faultless himself decided otherwise those. Bastards.

On the bright side, Piscin decided to hop in the Mystery Mobile and come visit us. She's this batshit crazy Malkavian Anarch. Looks like she got bit back during, like, the Summer of Love or something. Crazier than most Malks that Johnny has ever met. Really, really wants to help out the Movement though. And that's good enough for Johnny. A little, or even a lot, crazy ain't a bad thing in the Movement.

Fuck, the Tower thinks every Anarch is a least a little bit crazy anyway. Why not go for the gusto, eh?

Oh, and the beach pictures are in honor of it turning to summer. It's one of the things that Johnny misses the most; being able to go hang out on the beach, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, watch the bikini babes parading up and down the beach...miss that shit man. Miss that.

No Rant, Busy Partying!

Okay, so Johnny pulled a Rabbit...sort of. Johnny didn't call a rant or nothing, but Johnny was supposed to show up at the monthly Anarch pow wow as usual. But Johnny didn't show up. Nope, a no-show from the King of Kama Sutra.



So where was Johnny? At the LA Erotica Expo. That's right. Okay, so Johnny was there mainly that evening to directly promote Gated Community Productions. Had the mortals working during the day, Johnny picked up the slack after sundown...of course, that's when the floor is officially closed and there's a lot of afterhours 'networking' between companies and performers and agents and shit. And then it's on to the parties where even more of that happens...



So Johnny was able to sign up some smokin' hot bitches that could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Another babe that had her Kegel's down pat and could literally vibrate her pussy...fuckin' unbelievable. And had to find at least one anal specialist...Johnny saw her take a seat on a 2 liter bottle without so much as a single grimace on her face...she was a little bit of a butterface, but talent like that trumps what your face looks like. Even found a dude to sign to the company, our first male contract performer.



So Johnny kinda got caught up in mortal business that night. Gotta deal with Los Reyes at some point...and the usual bullshit...but for one night anyway, Johnny got to not just pretend but almost be human again if only for a few hours.

Prince Book's Party

So Johnny went up north to San Fran and Prince Book's party with Uncle Remus, Brer Bear and Perez. Lauren went too, but hardly showed up at all. Brer Owl and Eli showed up too. Even Dani for a little bit.

Went up north for two reasons. One, to see what the deal was with Davis. Which was supposed to be Anarch, but then taken by Prince Howl, who then said it wasn't his but actually belonged to the Giovanni, which was a suprise to the Giovanni, but now it's back to being Anarch. Not sure who the Baron is; it might be Captain Cutter, but recently it was Luke, but he didn't show 'cause he got staked by Prince Howl for breakin' the Masquerade so it might now be Brer Owl. Now that's fuckin' funny.

The second reason was to talk about the Confederation of the Anarch Free States. Except Johnny only saw three other Anarchs not from here. Not counting Owl or Dani. Eli, who's back east, and two minor dudes, Just Jack and Ace. Not exactly enough of a turn out to bring up talking about a major idea. So Johnny just tabled it and figures it'll have to be brought up over the Anarch Rant sometime soon.

Okay, there was a third reason. Range. Heard Range wanted to kill Owl. Maybe even Johnny. Turns out that Range had pissed off Prince Book too. Except now Range was actually Hank and he was under Prince Howl's accounting. Not good for Howl. Dumbfuck actually went and admitted that Hank was Range. Which came as a surprise to Book when Johnny told him. Dumbass fucker Range didn't even show up to anything he was so scared of us. Turns out, according to both Howl and Book, that Range's heart was put in the fire. Which means dead. Just wish Johnny had been there to confirm it.

There was a Brujah rant too. That was either lame or interesting, depending on who you talked to. Prince Rosentard really is a selfish fuckwit that is more about his own ambition than his brothers and sisters in the clan. Alesandra Orion is passionate as all hell, but goddamn the little bitch talks a lot. Archon Jack Sebastian really is a pompous ass. Not sure where his ultimate ambitions are, but Johnny figures they are probably Camarilla, not Brujah. Jacob Hill is a stupid tool. Well shit, he tried to make Dustin Zahn look stupid, but it ended up with both Zahn and Dickie Smalls dead. So he lost his Tower position, then he had to run the Gauntlet. Now, Johnny had gotten fed up with him earlier and the little bastard was able to block Johnny's punch, which ended up proving Jacob hadn't been telling the truth. So after Jacob got dropped, some other Brujah picked him up and asked if anyone else wanted a shot, and well, Johnny did. Had to crack'im at least once.

There's so much more, but Johnny's brain is kinda confused from seeing so damn many licks and trying to remember their names and who the fuck they were. Shit, almost everyone knew Johnny. But not the other way around.

Johnny'll probably say more later, but this was the main shit.